Screw You Judgement Anxiety!

A topic I constantly fight with is my self expression through my physical appearance. It’s kind of like when you move into your apartment and it doesn’t feel like home because it’s one big BLANK space. That blank space is my physical appearance.
Luckily over the years I have found so much confidence in who I am and what I like. Now I want to show that to the world but there’s this fear that sits there. I have major anxiety about judgement and it pisses me off! It’s this constant feeling of if I get the body art I desire, wear the clothes I like or just look anything outside of “cookie cutter” that I will have an even harder time in this damn world!
The things that I love about myself are the same things that people judge me for. I am a Black loc wearing curvy outspoken sexual lesbian and even though I LOVEEE those things, they are the same reasons why some people put me in their negative space.
I guess I fear that being myself fully and completely will hold me back in a some ways especially professionally or I will have to prove my worth 10x more than all the “cookie cutter” people around me. But then I realize that if people don’t judge me for my physical they will damn sure find something else to judge me for so why should I care? I shouldn’t.
Thing is.. I love people that could give a rat’s ass about what people think of them. Those are always the people that live in peace and whose aura lifts me up just by standing in their presence. Those are the people that get far in life because they realize they have nothing to prove to anyone. There only priority is to live in happiness that starts and ends with self love.
I want to be one of those people.
Why can’t I be one of those people?!
Damn it.
I am that person.. STARTING NOW!

 

Excuse my rant,

Sabia

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